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Chris Benoit
warning: the article you are about to read is canon Introduction Chris Benoit is the mightiest of all mortals. He ascended to godly status after he died for the sins of the imperfect Yank race that Barack Obama created. He was originally created by Dr. Nero(Not to be confused with Dr. Gero) as an android made to fight John Cena and his army of post-WWF shitlords. Android Saga Chris Benoit's crusade began with the destruction of CM Punk and Sheamus the shitlord in a tagteam match with Eddie Guerrero as his partner. This partnership would later flourish into a friendship for the ages. Both Chris and Eddie entered the first war together after using the reverse-hyperbolic time chamber to send them back in time. This greatly reduced the bloodshed and allowed Ron Paul to win the war. It was only when Scott Steiner betrayed the WWF that things began to downspiral. Steiner Games Saga Steiner appeared before Benoit and Guerrero with an invitation to the first annual Steiner Games. Steiner had already rekt the Rock and transformed him from his cool, sideburns, jabroni shouting self into a bald musclebound freak that even Steve Austin was sorry to see. This outraged both Guerrero and Benoit who proceeded to wreck Steiner so badly that even Kane was disgusted to see Benoit rip Steiners head off using the Crippler Crossface. In the fight Guerrero was killed in a ki blast from Steiner which outraged Benoit and made him feel powerless. He travelled to the chinky mountains to train with the elders. The elders (Hulk Hogan, Ultimate Warrior and of course Macho Man Randy Savage) trained Benoit to be the greatest wrestler to have ever graced this humble universe. One Man vs the World (Wrestling Federation) Saga Benoit was smarter in his new power. He knew that the WWE had to be destroyed and quickly. He did so, with a quick diving headbutt to the entire continent of WWEurope, in the process driving himself insane and killing his family and his self at the same time. He ascended to the god Ron Paul who forgave him for his sins, and seeing his contribution to the destruction of something as ungodly as the WWE attempted to ressurect him by pressing ctrl-z, this unfortunately ressurected the WWE instead, so Ron Paul just made him a god. Of course, a god within reason. By any other religions definitions he would be no more than a demi-god but those religions are unblAmerican and therefore shit. He also forgot to hit ctrl-y to redo the destruction of the WWE, mistakes happen. Dragonball Saga The world was in turmoil after Benoits death. Triple H was left in charge of the World (wrestling federation) and with his right hand man, Shawn Michaels "The Heartbreak Kid" kept the world just sane enough to avoid turning to anarchy in Benoits absence. While they were attempting to return the world to normal, Stone Cold Steve Austin and Bret "The Hitman" Hart were searching for the dragonballs in order to get their 3 wishes from the mighty steambot Ricky. It took a years time but they had finally gathered them. They were granted 3 wishes and wished for Benoit's return, A truck that fires beer, and a snap into a slim jim, brother. Smackdown of the Gods Saga During Benoit's absence it was all but impossible for Triple H to manage all of the world's shitlords while also keeping the original WWE at bay, Triple H was managing this Sisyphean task until the Paulsleep finally arrived. The original WWE poured all of it's forces into defeating Triple H (they knew this was what it would take as Triple H had also been trained by the wrestling elders once) and managed to overwhelm him. The 4 Admirals attempted to fight the WWE (which was even more powerful now than had been in Benoit's days) but found themselves on the losing side, it didn't seem like they'd even be able to stall for long before Barack Obama and Nick Simmons put their differences aside and united with the Admirals to battle the WWE although Simmons insisted on continuing their rivalry through the war (and later insisted that Andre the Giant still only counted as one). True Smackdown of the Gods Saga The battle of Gods vs Wrestlers had been going on for five days when just before the defeat of the deities seemed sealed Stone Cold Steve Austin and Bret "The Hitman" Hart found the seventh dragonball and made their wish to revive Benoit. Benoit came flying into the centre of the battle on the back of Eddie Guerrero's missile form and defeated the majority of the remaining wrestlers by the sheer awesome of his presence like that one scene in Gurren Lagann. The only four men still standing where Benoit, Guerrero, CM Punk, and Sheamus (the two WWE wrestlers who had grown most in power since their ressurection), and most of the pro-Ron Paul army believed Benoit's defeat to be inevitable as the defeat of the rest of the WWE just by presence had exhausted all of Benoit's godly power (but it had been totally rad) rendering him mortal once again. In the following moments the gods learned not to underestimate mortals as Benoit defeated CM Punk more definitively and epically than any of them would be capable of doing, the incredibleness of this moment caused Ron Paul to wake up from the Paulsleep three weeks early just so that he could witness it; Guerrero defeated Sheamus and the battle was finally over. Ron Paul recognised that Benoit did not need godly abilities to perform his miraculous feats and that despite being mortal and having no superhuman abilities he could likely defeat any god but Paul himself with little trouble. Ron Paul challenged Benoit to a wresting match but their duel had to postponed to a later date because it looked like Nick Simmons was gonna take a swing at Obama. Aftermath of Smackdown After the Smackdown of the Gods was won it was realised that with WWF talent that fought on the side of the ressurected WWE (like Andre the Giant) now gone, they'd need a new generation of wrestlers to entertain the world, it was agreed that the remaining talent would scout the new wrestlers and so all looked to Benoit expecting to see a truckload of great talent being scouted, Benoit scouted only 2 new wrestlers, two men he had fought along aside long ago in the first war.Category:People and Extraordinary Types Category:The World Wrestling Federation Category:Pages that show we have no lives Category:Mortals